Sep 30 08
Virgin America is Awesome….
By Dave Imperiale
Virgin America is Awesome….
…if you’re a teenage girl from Eastern Europe and you’ve never been on an airplane before.
When I step foot onto a plane all I ask for are general feelings of safety and comfort. While other airlines aren’t always successful in providing those sentiments, I also don’t feel like I’ve been dosed before walking into a club. I don’t want to be enclosed in an aircraft where the predominant lighting is neon and the choice of music is House. “Trippy” is not the experience I’m looking for.
This feeling becomes even more prevalent when VA presses play on their psychedelic cartoon version of a safety video.
At first I was hopeful – a fresh interpretation of a universally futile message. But about ten seconds in it starts to feel like Ralph Steadman was commissioned to scare the sh*t out of you before takeoff. Please watch it, and imagine you’re on the plane. My personal highlights: 1) When the woman has safely affixed her oxygen mask before helping her child, it actually looks like the kid’s eyes are going to burst out of his face. 2) The man who looks like a giant penis in a necktie pointing to the exit sign. 3) The woman who defies the no-smoking regulations and emerges from the bathroom with nipples that look like duckling bills. 4) Check out that nun.
Then there’s the big sell of the highly interactive touch screen for entertainment, communication, and food and beverage. After my debit card swipe didn’t work, I summoned the 70 year-old stewardess over – an appropriate representative for such a youthful operation. She pointed me to an alternate place for me to swipe. I asked her if I should order multiple beers at once, or if the system keeps a tab. Her programmed response: “It’s like eBay.” Mine: “So I’m in a bidding war to get a beer?” Then she put three beers on my tray. For the record, the auction food and beverage service malfunctioned mid-flight, they ran out of food, and people were waiting over an hour for their drinks.
And how do they get away with charging more for a movie than OnDemand? Another wonderful feature is that the TV shows (some of which you also have to pay for) don’t rewind. I will say they have a very solid music selection – no joke: Cold War Kids, Bruce, Bloc Party. I won’t even get into the chat function that’s available on the screen. I’m sure the attractive woman in 13C who never gets seated next to me wants to IM with a stranger in a confined capsule.
So for all you business travelers – stick to the conventional airlines where you’ve still got status before they all go out of business.
